Some of us easily relate.  Feeling the squeeze twice that many years ago, I walked through my home wondering what I had to give my grandchildren for their birthdays.  I realized it was time to pass on the “family treasures”.  The first was the most personally demeaning, a 25-piece jig saw puzzle with a piece missing that had belonged to the child’s aunt she never knew.  The shame I felt was terrible at giving such a miserable gift.  Harriet loved the puzzle.   A missing piece and a shabby box wasn’t important to her.  These many years later we still love putting puzzles together and I feel no shame.

I felt similarly when I gave 100-year old necklaces with broken clasps to daughters-in-law.  To me they had been treasures inherited from my grandmother.  I could only hope that these apparently paltry gifts would be recognized for their sentimental value as well as the beauty of the jet and amethyst beads.  One may never know, but at times we simply give what we have with love as the widow gave her mite and it was received abundantly.

Recently I heard Elder William R. Walker, share parts of a letter from his grandma that influenced his life.  In the letter he has kept for 50 years she expressed her confidence in him and this inspiring message, “I pray for you two or three times a day.”  Numerous times over the years he has recalled her interest in him that she would pray for him so often.  Her letter continues to touch his heart.

This was timely for me as I have wondered about the value of the cards with their notes I have sent the past couple of years when I ran out of treasures.  They sometimes seems very insignificant.  They are not the crafty-cards some talented grandmothers make.  At first they were cards made online with photos and a brief story of an ancestor that was timely in the child’s life and reminiscences we had shared together.  Then to cut costs they became photo letters mounted on card stock.  They are letters of remembrances of them the previous year looking forward to their next, always admiring and always appreciating, celebrating the milestones of their lives.

Mine had been a choice of economy prompted by remembrance of  a  friend’s letter to her granddaughter years ago. My friend felt impressed that a letter she had written to her grandchild would be meaningful in that child’s life at some time in the future.  Elder Walker’s experience is evidence of the influence of a grandparent’s letter.

It has been encouraging to notice a card from a couple of years earlier sitting on my teenaged grandson’s desk.  There was also the large piece of coral of the grandfather he’d never known from an earlier birthday. Perhaps my grandchildren like Marjorie Pay Hinckley’s children will say, “Of all of the tangible things that Mother left behind when she passed…we treasure few things more than we treasure her letters,”  “Letters”, by Marjorie Pay Hinckley.

It started when I was a little kid with the girl next door.  She and her husband were among my favorite people.  They were so kind, loved to talk, and enjoyed making my family sweets.  But after time her husband passed away, and despite all the hardship with her family she still gave much of her time to me and my familly.
With Valentine’s Day approaching my parents wanted to give back to her.  I never even thought about how Valentine’s Day must feel when your loved one has passed on.  But my parents remember things like that.  It was their plan to invite her over to have dinner with us on that memorable day.
But we thouht it would be more fun for her if we invited over a few of her friends who are also widowed.
So the invitations went out.

Our first dinner had no more than eight guests.  They all sat at a table together with my parents while me and my siblings sat at a table next to them.  That was in the year 2005.  Every year we add a little more to the dinner, trying to give the widows a day unlike any previous.
In 2008, the one that started it all, Mary Jones, the girl next door passed away.  But we kept the tradition strong.  The joy in the widows’ faces when they see they are still loved on Valentine’s Day is unparalleled.
Beginning a couple years ago we stopped inviting just the widowed and extended the invitation to the other older single women as well.
This year (2012) we had nearly twenty women in attendance.

There are seven kids in my family, each with special talents.  Some of us helped with designing the room (decorations and the like), while some performed for our guests.  And others made some arts and crafts to show them.  My eldest brother made the menu by hand, in superb calligraphy.  I prepared a couple songs on my guitar.  And my sisters played songs on the piano.

The whole purpose of this night is to have fun with these amazing elderly women in the area.  Visit, play games, serve dinner, share stories, and feel their spirit.

LIVING ALONE DOES NOT MEAN YOU DESERVE TO BE LONELY.

So it is understandable that now, with Mitt Romney‘s presidential bid looking stronger than ever, his Mormon (the colloquial term for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) faith has become a topic of increased interest as well. The most recent point of focus in this regard seems to be Romney’s recently released tax returns from 2009 and 2010. From the tax returns we learn that the Romneys paid millions of dollars in tithing. Understandably, such a large amount given to a church creates some curiosity. So what is tithing?

First, it is important to understand that tithing is not new. It is a Christian principle taught in the Old Testament. In Malachi 3:8-10 we find a clear a list of blessings promised to those who willing give a tithe. In short, to pay a tithing means to give back ten percent of all our increase to the Lord. In fact, the word tithe means tenth. Just as it did during the time of the Old Testament, to pay a tithe is to humbly acknowledge that all you have been given comes from God. It is through this principle that the work of the so much of the work of the Church is done. Elder Robert D. Hales, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said, “All tithing funds are spent for the purposes of the Church, including welfare—care for the poor and needy—temples, buildings and upkeep of meetinghouses, education, curriculum—in short, the work of the Lord.” (See Tithing: A Test of Faith With Eternal Blessings.)

Many may ask why, if God is all powerful, is it necessary for Him to collect a tithe from His people. Why can’t he just provide the funds? Such questions miss the divine intention of the Law of the Tithe. Indeed, through the sacrifice inherent in tithing, it teaches those who pay to put God first and trust in Him to provide. It binds their heart to their God and His Church. The sacrifice also allows us to learn to control our appetites and desires. In a world where just wanting something is increasingly sufficient reason to pursue a course of action, this is vital. God does not need us to pay tithing, but we need us to pay a tithing, because it changes us and draws us closer to Him.

It is not my intent to endorse one political candidate over another. Rather my purpose is to help others better understand my faith. As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, the increased attention on my religion is a welcome opportunity to share what I know about my faith and the faith of my fathers. In 1 Peter 3:15, Peter councils the reader to be ready always to give a reason for the hope that is in them. For me that hope will forever reside in Jesus Christ and the principles of His gospel.

This year, 2012, in the United States, is a presidential election year.  Though The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints doesn’t endorse a candidate it happens that two of the candidates this year are Mormons.  As a result there is a lot of national media coverage about Mormons.  The Salt Lake Tribune ran a 3-part series on Mormons and politics that is informative.

With two Mormons running for President there has been some claims by other churches that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is not a Christian church.  A co-worker some years ago asked me, “The name of your church is named for Jesus, how can anyone question that you are a Christian?”  Perhaps listening to Elder Jeffrey R. Holland will help those who question, understand.

The Tribune notes that the LDS Handbook for leaders states, “Latter-day Saints have a special obligation to seek out, vote for and uphold leaders who are honest, good and wise.”   Can it be that practicing Mormons might differ in their choice of a candidate?  Are some Mormons conservative and others liberal?  Is there only one candidate that is “honest, good and wise.”  Absolutely!  Every person has the responsibility to discover for themselves.  Its in seeking, studying and the sharing of ideas, that we come to a better understanding.  There is a scripture:

. . . seek ye diligently and teach one another words of wisdom; yea, seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and also by faith

No matter what our faith or politics, we all have obligation to discover our personal opinions on  issues and to seek out opinions of candidates.  This is a great time for teaching children about political issues and making decisions.  Mealtime might be a good place to start.

Which candidate best matches our ideas?  Where can we find reliable information about candidates and issues?

Election 2012:  Park N Sun has  a short list of several websites to help match voters with candidates and their views on the issues.  Taking time to learn more about the issues, learning to check for accuracy,  helps parents and families become more informed.  As a result of talking with one another about the issues we can better defend our positions with others.  In the process every person has to prioritize which issues and attributes are more or less important in a candidate.  No one candidate is perfect.

When I did this process in 2008, I was surprised to find my candidate of choice really didn’t match my beliefs on many issues; we matched on only one or two.  As I started to discover more about the issues, I started to discover we had significant differences.  In seeking, my voting became more responsible.  No one candidate was a perfect match for me.  It took me 18 tries on one candidate matching quiz over a period of time to find out where I really stood and how I would vote.  It was February and I had time to gather information.

We are almost in February and about nine months to go.  Lots to talk about at the dinner table and the computer screen.  More debates to watch.  The day after a debate or startling news item gives opportunity tor checking facts and accuracy.  There is lots of support and information out there to choose from.  There has never been a time when there has been better access to good information.

We just might find out our children have some really good ideas and insights.  In the process we learn to talk to one another and even linger longer at the dinner table.

Taking time gives opportunity for perspective and when needed a calming down.  Taking time can also give everyone a clearer understanding of the “why”.  Understanding the why helps us to be  better teachers rather than just tending.  When I became a widow my children quickly learned that giving me time to think overnight was in their best interest.  After a bedtime prayer and a night’s sleep I would always awake with a clear understanding and we could talk in calmness.  I didn’t have my husband to talk with but the Lord had remained and  was always there for me as well as for my child.  Most often it was my fears that were put to rest, replaced with confidence in my child.  When it was a “no”, the no was always came with understanding to teach.  Over time my child and I built confidence in one another and in God.  We were reinforcing a solid pattern for living. We were building pathways.

I was reminded of this principle as I recently heard President Deiter F. Uchtdorf speak of the pathway of “the power of knowing ‘why’.”

“When we understand why our Heavenly Father has given us this pattern for living, when we remember why we committed to making it a foundational part of our lives, the gospel ceases to become a burden and, instead, becomes a joy and a delight. It becomes precious and sweet. . . .   The gospel is a light that penetrates mortality and illuminates the way before us.”

I have found gospel principles to be true  in my personal life and in parenting.  Little by little we teach these principles to our children in real life situations.  It is gospel principles that are the pathway to happiness in personal and family life.

Recently in the news there was an announcement of the proliferation of coffee bars in public schools across the country. I was surprised at the apparent absence of resistance or concern about this critical movement.  It is well known that caffeine in coffee has very little nutrition, but is a powerful stimulant.  If we want our kids to be on the fast track, they may demand the artificial jolt to body and mind to perform the almost impossible feat day after day, year after year which may leave their muscles, nerves, brain and heart battered and frazzled early in life.  We unitedly resist drugs and alcohol being available to our young people. Coffee addiction is only one impelling step ahead of these dreaded habits.

I appeal to the administrators of our public schools to refrain from allowing coffee bars to be set up in our local places of education.

In this focus when I came to Alma 34:28, these verses stood out like they never had before. These verses hit me hard personally. Alma chapter 34, v 28, 29 …

“…if ye turn away the needy, and the naked, and visit not the sick and afflicted, and impart of your substance, if ye have, to those who stand in need—I say unto you, if ye do not any of these things, behold, your prayer is vain, and availeth you nothing, and ye are as hypocrites who do deny the faith. Therefore, if ye do not remember to be charitable, ye are as dross, which the refiners do cast out, (it being of no worth).”

In the days that followed I thought of the woman who stands at the northeast corner of Temple Square in Salt Lake City holding a sign, panhandling. I recalled the many times I had passed her with determination not to look at her.  I had heard the city had places and help for panhandlers — giving encouraged panhandling.  I passed her steeled and hardened to not notice her.  I now felt ashamed.

What ought I to do? I had become uncomfortable relying only on charitable organizations or my fast offerings to be sufficient response. I asked friends and family what they do in like circumstances.   I read about charitable organizations and city/county efforts and continued to wonder and be troubled by my hardened behavior. There was something wrong here. Those scriptures did not mince words. They were clear and explicit and timeless.

Elder Russell M. Nelson of the Quorum of the Twelve said,

“As individual members of the Church, you and I participate in the Lord’s ‘own way.’ At least once a month, we fast and pray and contribute generous offerings to funds that enable bishops to disperse aid. This is part of the law of the gospel. Each of us truly can help the poor and the needy, now, and wherever they are. And we, too, will be blessed and protected from apostasy by so doing.”

Fasting and fast offering has been an important part of my life but the woman on the street corner was about my attitude toward her and all others in similar circumstances. ” …if ye turn away the needy, and the naked, . . .”

Elder Nelson further said,

“To care fully for the poor, we must help the poor to change.”

I don’t know how to help the poor to change. I don’t know how to help the panhandlers of the city to change.

Then one autumn day it occurred to me panhandlers have names just as I have a name.   I went to her and asked her name.  Autumn turned to winter, then Christmas and spring and Easter. Then through the heat of summer and the beginning cooling of autumn once again.  I have visited with her as she has stood in all kinds of weather.  We now have words of conversation in addition to a small snack bag of roasted almonds and sometimes a quarter.  A feeling of friendship has replaced the hardness, replaced by a sense of caring.   She has friends that she helps.  She has nieces she likes to treat.  She has become a person, not a panhandler.  We have become neighbors in this big city.

We’ve all got troubles of some sort.  Some day when she’s ready I hope she’ll have a permanent home and another job.  Perhaps for now her job is helping others like me to change.

Recently, I read in The Salt Lake Tribune of a group of teens from a local church that had similar concerns.  They experienced  the life of the homeless one Saturday “by spending the day learning what it’s like to live on the streets.”  One of the youth learned from his brief experience panhandling, “. . . though his panhandling was only an exercise, it helped him realize how difficult it must be to be a homeless youth with no money, no food, no shelter and only the clothes on your back.”

These youth, like me have changed.  We’ve learned that all people have names, they have needs and we’ve learned something of the lives of others in our community. We each can figure out ways to help those in need.  We can each help lift another.

Fortunately there are answers to questions like those.  The teachings of the scriptures, especially modern prophets, give great insight into what happens when life departs from a person.

The explanation of what happens to family members, friends, and eventually to us when we die would be harder to understand without the context of the existence of the human soul before being born.  The scriptures teach that we existed as spirit children of God, who was and is our literal father.  The prophet Jeremiah was taught in the Old Testament that before God formed him in his mother’s belly, he knew Jeremiah.  God had even foreordained Jeremiah to be prophet previous to his entrance into this earth.  From the Book of Abraham we learn that we were sent here to our current existence to have our obedience tested.  Understanding these principles, which frame this earth as a probationary period that is part of a larger plan, helps us be prepared to learn that death is just as much a part of life as birth is.  The latter introduces us into the mortal stage in or eternal progress.  The former moves us back into the eternal part of the spiritual continuum and prepares us to become immortal.

Knowing that our spirits exist before this life gives us insight into who we are.  During the 80 or so years that we live on earth, we are a combination of a real, nearly tangible spirit and a physical body composed of the dust of the earth.  At death, the spirit sheds the deceased body and continues on as a living entity.  The spirit is composed of material substance, but it is finer and purer than our mortal senses can normally detect.  The scriptures give us some beautiful insights into what happens immediately after we die and in later stages of our eternal development.

Alma 40:9-13 The spirits of mankind depart from earth at the time of death and “are taken home to that God who gave them life”.  In this stage, which we often call the spirit world, the spirits of people who were good enter into a state of rest, a paradise void of the troubles, cares, and sorrows that are so common in mortal life.

Other scriptures give more details about this condition.  In the Doctrine and Covenants, we are told that the separation the body from the spirit is seen as a kind of bondage.  Evidently it is impossible for us to continue to progress to our full potential without being resurrected, or having our bodies reunited with our souls in the resurrection.

Many other scriptures detail what happens during death and describe its place in God’s plan for individuals and families.  A good place to begin studying is the Bible Dictionary description of death.

We were rather puzzled by the anxiety on our behalf. First, didn’t they know that we would never let a toddler out to play in the yard by themselves? Anytime he was going to be in the yard, there would be someone close by keeping a careful eye on what was going on and monitoring how close he got to the river.  Second, knowing children and their propensity to explore and conquer, we felt that building a fence would only make our children that much more curious about what it was hiding. This feeling was vindicated a few years later when some kids came into our yard and actually ripped a hole in the fence dividing our property from the neighbor’s in order to get to the other side.

As our toddler grew older, we would often walk through the brush and look at the river together. We would talk about the dangers of getting too close to the edge and what would happen if he should accidentally slip and fall.  We talked about how his older sister had actually fallen into the river under different circumstances and had been able to grab an overhanging branch to stop herself from being swept away. Our son never expressed any desire or showed further interest in challenging the boundaries.  We also knew that he understood what he could do to save himself if by chance he did fall in.

Last week in General Conference, we were warned over and over that the world we live in today is full of spiritual dangers. This is hardly a comforting thought for young parents and grandparents.  It made me wonder whether we are spending our energy on just building fences instead of teaching survival skills for our children.  After all, in some ways building the fence is the easier option.  Teaching them to responsibly navigate through popular media and computer websites is more difficult and time consuming that simply banning the TV or computer.  Do we talk frankly about the music on their ipod and the movies they are going to? Do we listen to and discuss the lyrics with them or just tell them to turn it off? Do we encourage modesty or just look the other way at prom time because it’s too hard to find a modest dress? In other words, do we build the fence and then just hope they’ll turn out all right or do we take the time necessary to teach and stay involved with their spiritual safety?

This does not mean that we aren’t sensitive to times when a fence might be necessary.  Just like the watchful eye we kept on our toddler until he was old enough to be trusted outside on his own, parental controls on the computer and TV are necessary for everyone, not just children.  And if we lived on the edge of the Hoover Dam instead of a small river that most times of the year has only a few inches of water in it, things would have been different.  But the best protection we can provide still lies in spending the time necessary to teach them of why things are dangerous and giving them the skills to cope and to make their way safely through the challenges they will most certainly face as they make their way through life in this day and age.

My oldest daughter was 15 years old at the time. She had always been obedient and helpful, but as she turned 16 she went through a requisite period of rebellion, with much thinking that her parents were old-fashioned and annoying. Nothing at all alarming in terms of seriousness, but troubling nonetheless. The summer after the Proclamation was introduced, we had the opportunity to visit Girl’s Camp on Bishopric night. While the other girls were happily embracing and sitting by their parents, our daughter would hardly speak to us.

Ironically, our Bishop took the opportunity that night to talk about the Proclamation. He explained that prophets naturally are ahead of the game. In an effort to prevent disaster, they foresee the problems ahead and provide guidelines and solutions before they are so desperately needed. I remember  wondering what Satan’s game plan was going to be in his relentless attack on the family in the years to come. It must be going to get bad. After all,  the Proclamation does use the word CALAMITIES!

But in the meantime, here was our daughter constantly pushing the boundaries and constantly letting it be known that we were stupid and didn’t know anything. While we knew it was just a phase, it was not a pleasant one. To say that we hung on to these words in the Proclamation: Successful . . . families are established and maintained on principles of  faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities would be an understatement. We weren’t sure how to do anything more than what we were already doing in these categories and held our course with her. She eventually moved through it and became delightful once again. We were grateful that we never forgot the ‘respect and love’ and ‘faith and prayer’ and ‘repentance and forgiveness’ elements necessary in rearing our children, especially teen-agers. As she was the first to go through this phase, we were grateful for the guidance.

It’s now been 16 years of living with the Proclamation. We have seen the world spiral out of control and indeed, we have seen Satan’s game plan being carried out on levels we could not have imagined possible. Our stunningly beautiful and accomplished daughter is now 31. I had expected to have at least a handful of grandchildren by now, but she is not married and as yet, no signs of progeny from any of the other children. My life as I planned it has not come to pass. This is actually not too surprising. The Lord frequently throws us a curve ball when He thinks we’re getting too smug! I had been ready and waiting to smother my grandchildren with love and magnificently wise guidance accumulated minute by minute and experience by experience from the last several decades of my personal and professional life. I’m still waiting.

I found myself quickly re-inventing my idea of what a woman my age should be doing. I am the only one of my friends without a busy life visiting and enjoying the next generation. Although it took a while, I also learned that the phrase in the Proclamation Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children still applies to me. I didn’t want it to be true – I wanted to move on to what I knew how to do already, really really well, which was care for little children – but I found that learning how to parent young adults was one of the things on the Lord’s To Do list for me.

And what about my daughter? As a single woman, how does she feel about the Proclamation and the Church’s emphasis on families? She has seen the effect of Satan’s attacks on multitudes of couples she knows and the young men she has dated. Many of her friends who married in their early 20’s are already divorced, their covenants in shreds because of the ‘slow stain of the world.’  There is a lack of optimism and trust in her relationships that will not easily be regained. But, she holds firmly to the principles in the Proclamation. She knows that eternal families are at the center of God’s plan for his children. She is not tempted to violate the laws of chastity and she still looks forward to bringing children into the world. Her network of single LDS people is vast. She says it is not uncommon to see framed proclamations in their homes and apartments.  As difficult as being single is for a faithful LDS young person, I think the temptation to simply give up in despair would be more compelling if she did not have the uncompromising standards of the Proclamation as her guide.

The times we live in will bring situations into our lives that we would never have anticipated a few short years ago. I’m sure that just when I think I’ve figured out this phase of life, the Lord will give me another challenge I hadn’t expected. How blessed we are to have the modern day revelation found in the Proclamation as a gift to us from a loving Heavenly Father to help guide us through every situation we will encounter in life.