When our youngest was just 18-months old, we built a house that bordered a river. During most of the year there is at least a 15 foot drop to the water and the edge of our property is bounded by lots of trees and shrubs. You can only hear the water from our house, not see it. Nevertheless, many of our friends expressed concern about keeping the children safe from drowning. Why didn’t we build a fence? Weren’t we worried about the danger? Some even said they would never do such a foolish thing.
We were rather puzzled by the anxiety on our behalf. First, didn’t they know that we would never let a toddler out to play in the yard by themselves? Anytime he was going to be in the yard, there would be someone close by keeping a careful eye on what was going on and monitoring how close he got to the river. Second, knowing children and their propensity to explore and conquer, we felt that building a fence would only make our children that much more curious about what it was hiding. This feeling was vindicated a few years later when some kids came into our yard and actually ripped a hole in the fence dividing our property from the neighbor’s in order to get to the other side.
As our toddler grew older, we would often walk through the brush and look at the river together. We would talk about the dangers of getting too close to the edge and what would happen if he should accidentally slip and fall. We talked about how his older sister had actually fallen into the river under different circumstances and had been able to grab an overhanging branch to stop herself from being swept away. Our son never expressed any desire or showed further interest in challenging the boundaries. We also knew that he understood what he could do to save himself if by chance he did fall in.
Last week in General Conference, we were warned over and over that the world we live in today is full of spiritual dangers. This is hardly a comforting thought for young parents and grandparents. It made me wonder whether we are spending our energy on just building fences instead of teaching survival skills for our children. After all, in some ways building the fence is the easier option. Teaching them to responsibly navigate through popular media and computer websites is more difficult and time consuming that simply banning the TV or computer. Do we talk frankly about the music on their ipod and the movies they are going to? Do we listen to and discuss the lyrics with them or just tell them to turn it off? Do we encourage modesty or just look the other way at prom time because it’s too hard to find a modest dress? In other words, do we build the fence and then just hope they’ll turn out all right or do we take the time necessary to teach and stay involved with their spiritual safety?
This does not mean that we aren’t sensitive to times when a fence might be necessary. Just like the watchful eye we kept on our toddler until he was old enough to be trusted outside on his own, parental controls on the computer and TV are necessary for everyone, not just children. And if we lived on the edge of the Hoover Dam instead of a small river that most times of the year has only a few inches of water in it, things would have been different. But the best protection we can provide still lies in spending the time necessary to teach them of why things are dangerous and giving them the skills to cope and to make their way safely through the challenges they will most certainly face as they make their way through life in this day and age.
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