Using the Principles in the Proclamation of the Family as Guide

In the fall of 1995, President Gordon B. Hinckley introduced “The Family: A Proclamation to the World.” Before presenting  it he explained: “The world we are in is a world of turmoil, of shifting values. Shrill voices call out for one thing or another in betrayal of time-tested standards of behavior. … With so much of deception concerning standards and values, with so much of allurement and enticement to take on the slow stain of the world, we have felt to warn and forewarn.”  And that he did. Even then we could feel how remarkable this document was, how exciting to have new ‘scripture’ revealed that was meant just for us.

My oldest daughter was 15 years old at the time. She had always been obedient and helpful, but as she turned 16 she went through a requisite period of rebellion, with much thinking that her parents were old-fashioned and annoying. Nothing at all alarming in terms of seriousness, but troubling nonetheless. The summer after the Proclamation was introduced, we had the opportunity to visit Girl’s Camp on Bishopric night. While the other girls were happily embracing and sitting by their parents, our daughter would hardly speak to us.

Ironically, our Bishop took the opportunity that night to talk about the Proclamation. He explained that prophets naturally are ahead of the game. In an effort to prevent disaster, they foresee the problems ahead and provide guidelines and solutions before they are so desperately needed. I remember  wondering what Satan’s game plan was going to be in his relentless attack on the family in the years to come. It must be going to get bad. After all,  the Proclamation does use the word CALAMITIES!

But in the meantime, here was our daughter constantly pushing the boundaries and constantly letting it be known that we were stupid and didn’t know anything. While we knew it was just a phase, it was not a pleasant one. To say that we hung on to these words in the Proclamation: Successful . . . families are established and maintained on principles of  faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities would be an understatement. We weren’t sure how to do anything more than what we were already doing in these categories and held our course with her. She eventually moved through it and became delightful once again. We were grateful that we never forgot the ‘respect and love’ and ‘faith and prayer’ and ‘repentance and forgiveness’ elements necessary in rearing our children, especially teen-agers. As she was the first to go through this phase, we were grateful for the guidance.

It’s now been 16 years of living with the Proclamation. We have seen the world spiral out of control and indeed, we have seen Satan’s game plan being carried out on levels we could not have imagined possible. Our stunningly beautiful and accomplished daughter is now 31. I had expected to have at least a handful of grandchildren by now, but she is not married and as yet, no signs of progeny from any of the other children. My life as I planned it has not come to pass. This is actually not too surprising. The Lord frequently throws us a curve ball when He thinks we’re getting too smug! I had been ready and waiting to smother my grandchildren with love and magnificently wise guidance accumulated minute by minute and experience by experience from the last several decades of my personal and professional life. I’m still waiting.

I found myself quickly re-inventing my idea of what a woman my age should be doing. I am the only one of my friends without a busy life visiting and enjoying the next generation. Although it took a while, I also learned that the phrase in the Proclamation Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children still applies to me. I didn’t want it to be true – I wanted to move on to what I knew how to do already, really really well, which was care for little children – but I found that learning how to parent young adults was one of the things on the Lord’s To Do list for me.

And what about my daughter? As a single woman, how does she feel about the Proclamation and the Church’s emphasis on families? She has seen the effect of Satan’s attacks on multitudes of couples she knows and the young men she has dated. Many of her friends who married in their early 20’s are already divorced, their covenants in shreds because of the ‘slow stain of the world.’  There is a lack of optimism and trust in her relationships that will not easily be regained. But, she holds firmly to the principles in the Proclamation. She knows that eternal families are at the center of God’s plan for his children. She is not tempted to violate the laws of chastity and she still looks forward to bringing children into the world. Her network of single LDS people is vast. She says it is not uncommon to see framed proclamations in their homes and apartments.  As difficult as being single is for a faithful LDS young person, I think the temptation to simply give up in despair would be more compelling if she did not have the uncompromising standards of the Proclamation as her guide.

The times we live in will bring situations into our lives that we would never have anticipated a few short years ago. I’m sure that just when I think I’ve figured out this phase of life, the Lord will give me another challenge I hadn’t expected. How blessed we are to have the modern day revelation found in the Proclamation as a gift to us from a loving Heavenly Father to help guide us through every situation we will encounter in life.